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Large pez

Million Dollar Question of the Day: What the F**k is a PEZ Movie?

(Yes, as in the candy.)

Sometimes, you just have to throw your hands in the air and say, "Whatever, man." Especially in this case, because the alternative would be to actually invest thought into how this is happening, which would in turn lead to an undesirable Scanners reenactment.

Here’s a sentence nobody could’ve ever expected to write, read and/or see today: Variety has just reported that there’s an animated movie in the works about Pez candy—that’s right, those little flavor-deficient, rectangular tablets that ids dump into dispensable toys with popular characters’ heads on them.

"What hath The LEGO Movie wrought?" one might ask. This, it seems: “"Pez candy is beloved by children and adults alike," says Lee Nelson, CEO and founder of Envision Media Arts, the company behind this project. "With [screenwriter] Cameron Fay, we’ve created a world unique to Pez and a story that will touch the hearts of many."

Hey, a Pez movie could be touching—after all, who didn’t sob like schoolchildren who didn’t get picked for dodgeball at the sight of volleyball "Wilson" floating away from Tom Hanks in Castaway? So who’s to say that a movie where a Storm Trooper Pez dispenser laments over a lost friendship with a Speedy Gonzalez Pez dispenser can’t hit those The Fault in Our Stars-level emotions? (Yes, the fact that someone actually just wrote that is as depressing for the writer as it is for you, poor readers.)

Let your minds now run wild with the other candy-based movies Hollywood could dump money into if Pez: The Movie makes Inside Out money. A film called Starburst set in outer space that’s like an extended version of 2001: A Space Odyssey’s light-show sequence, perhaps? Or a teen-centered art-house drama about a youngster waiting in an airport for two-plus hours in order to pick up his visiting long-distance girlfriend, titled Better Grab a Snickers? An animated flick about a kid who works on a lower-class farm but always has a positive attitude, titled Jolly Rancher?

(Yeah, it’s time for that Scanners moment. In 3…2…1…)


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